


Sammy-girl

by collatorsden_archivist



Category: Ashes to Ashes, Life on Mars & Related Fandoms, Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Angst, Coma, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, R/NC-17 - Brown Cortina, Time Period: 1973-1981 (Life on Mars), Time Period: 2006-present (Life on Mars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-01
Updated: 2010-08-02
Packaged: 2019-01-20 17:03:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12437547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collatorsden_archivist/pseuds/collatorsden_archivist
Summary: Sam is thinking too much. Way too much for his own good.Set around LoM 2.07 and 2.08.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Janni, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [the Collators' Den](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Collators%27_Den), which was moved to the AO3 to ensure access and longevity for the fanworks. I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the Collators' Den collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/collatorsden/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Please don't hate me for turning Sam into such a girl. But it had to be done for the purposes of the story.
> 
> My first and only, I assume, Life on Mars fan fiction story, as I don't consider myself a writer. I just had these thoughts in my head about Sam, and since I didn't know who to ask to write this story and how, I wrote it myself. I'm not a native English speaker, thus please excuse the quite restricted range of words used. And as I said, it's my first try, so please be gentle. I also know there a quite a lot of repetitions in this story but I kept them in there deliberately as I think that's how your brain works when you're thinking about the same things again and again.
> 
> Spoilers: LoM 2.07 and 2.08, in fact you need to be familiar with those to understand the story. Kind of ignores A2A but one or two lines might be considered slight spoilers for A2A but only for those already in the know, I'd say.

When he had come home to his ruddy flat and found the door kicked open once again, Gene waiting inside for him, he had somehow been surprised. But also...delighted? Proud? Relieved? Somehow, he had taken great comfort in the thought that Gene had come to him, his deputy, his friend, in this time of need. Although his faith in his guv had slightly wavered over the course of the day, he had kept that thought tucked up in his mind, had tried not to show his concern and slight mistrust. Somehow he couldn't imagine Gene being a murderer. His gut feeling told him that he wasn't...but the evidence seemed to pile up against him. Straight thinking and not as much in touch with his feelings as everyone suggested, he tried had to distance himself from his feelings for his DCI. Be professional... Wait, his feelings? For his neanderthal DCI? Feelings???

 

Sam wondered where this thought had come from. He had never had any homosexual urges, in fact, there had never been any animalistic urges in his life for...ages? He was a professional, he did his job which he loved and which was important to him but didn't allow for any feelings, and in his private life he had lived in a settled relationship with Maya for several years now. The passion had faded quickly and the routine had set in, with the both of them being together night and day, at home and at work, knowing each other well enough to feel comfortable and not need anything more.

 

Of course, it hadn't been always like this but anything from his former life seemed so far away now. His life in the "real world"... He still wanted to go back there somehow. His brain told him it was the right thing to do, the only thing to do. Although he enjoyed being in 1973 more and more. It was all much easier back then. Back then? No, there was no time travel. There couldn't be. He was in a coma and nothing in this world was real. Nobody in this world was real. He just imagined this. All the people here were only thoughts in his head, they didn't exist. HE didn't exist. Although Sam had no idea how he could ever have dreamt up someone like Gene Hunt.

 

So when he found himself in his flat with his fugitive DCI as an unexpected roommate, he wondered what all this was about. Gene needed his help, as the strange voice on the phone had advised him earlier. Who was it that kept calling him? And how did he know?

 

"Oy, Tyler!," a voice shouted into his train of thoughts as fingers snipped in front of his nose. "You've been dreaming again with your eyes open?"

 

Sam straightened his back and looked into those green eyes watching him closely. No, Gene couldn't be a murderer, he would never believe it. And he would prove it. Somehow. Tomorrow.

 

Sam prepared a makeshift bed for himself on the floor and graciously offered Gene the bed which he had made up with fresh linens. His mum always had told him to offer guests all the comfort possible. Well, there wasn't much to offer in this flat of his but he was prepared to make some sacrifices. And much more important, he just knew that Gene would in any case claim the bed for himself even if he didn't offer.

 

Sam heard screams and voices shouting for him, for help. He heard Annie and the rest of the team fighting, being attacked, shot at. He woke up screaming, waking Gene from his sleep which seemed to have been deep and unperturbed up to then. Sam had been laying awake for half the night before finally falling asleep, thinking. Thinking about the world he was in. Could it be real? Could any of this be real? Strangely, the Test Card Girl had not shown but he was sure she just stayed away because he had not been alone in his flat. That she had not dared to come to him when he had a guest. He felt strangely relieved - Gene's presence had protected him from his nightly visitor. He had a stray thought of feeling protected, secure. By this bear of a man who just by being there had stopped this re-occurring nightmare of his.


	2. Chapter 2

The investigation into Terry Haslam's death went slowly. Frank Morgan did his very best to prevent Sam and the team from helping Gene in any way. And Gene was still a fugitive, hiding at Sam's flat. Well, at least Sam assumed and hoped he would stay there and not try anything stupid like going out on his own, trying to prove his innocence and somehow further incriminating himself. The thought of Gene waiting for him at home somehow warmed Sam's heart. He didn't really recognize the feeling but he looked forward to going home, as much as he wanted to stay and gather more evidence to prove his innocence, he wanted to go home and talk to Gene, tell him about what he had found out, what he didn't know yet, ask him about what he still needed to know. He realized he missed his guv - the fights, the reasoning, the banter, the innuendo... What? Innuendo?? Where had that come from again?? Well, it was quite normal that he had been thinking about his superior officer all day long since it was HIS innocence he tried to prove, wasn't it? Well, that was what he told himself anyway... There couldn't be any other reason. It was just his overactive mind which would never stop thinking and thinking and thinking.

 

Sam had always been a man of restriction, of thought, of logic. It was what kept him going, knowing that what he did was important to the community. Not letting personal feelings stop him. Not allowing all the terrible things he had seen in his life as a police offer let him sink into desperation. He did not allow himself to lose his faith in the people he met on the job. He knew that there were bad people but the people he cared for, he worked for where the good ones. The ordinary people like you and me who just did their job, made a living, cared for their families, loved their children, parents, siblings, neighbours... People who without having done anything wrong were turned into victims by those he fought against, put away, cleaned the streets of. The bad people. Well, when had his world started to turn black and white?? He knew there were many, many shades of grey... but he felt like living in a black-and-white world now. Good and bad. Everything seemed so easy here. Much easier than it had been in his former life. His real life... The life he wanted to go back to. He had to get back to. The life where people cared for him, waited for him. His mum... Maya, the woman he loved. Didn't he??

 

He left the station and went back to his flat, turning down the offer to come to the Railway Arms with the others. On his way, he picked up some ingredients for the dinner he wanted to cook for Gene and him. He smiled in anticipation, knowing very well that Gene would of course complain about the "muck" he would cook up but in the end would most surely dig in and somehow appreciate Sam's style of cooking, even if he never would admit it. Sam started wondering about Gene's wife - how did she put up with him being so grumpy and a real neanderthal? Did she just not know anything else? Did she wait for him every night, knowing that when he came home he would be his charming self, and just take it again and again? How was she coping with him being on the run, a wanted murder suspect? Would she miss him at night? Was she believing in his innocence? Sam had never met Gene's missus but couldn't stop thinking about her on his way home. And then, slowly, he started to feel a little sting in his heart. As much as he had looked forward to Gene waiting for him in his flat, he now felt somehow guilty. Gene shouldn't confide in him, Gene should be confiding in his wife, his family. Of course his home was the place Morgan had looked for Gene first. But he could have gone away to some relatives somewhere out of Manchester. His wife's sister. That Gene had stayed and chosen to grace him with his presence must have been due to the fact that he believed Sam could really help him. Prove his innocence. Take care of the situation. He trusted him, so he had said when Sam had appeared at the murder scene. Trusted him with his life, as it seemed.

 

Sam's steps quickened and soon he found himself outside his flat, carrying his shopping bags upstairs. When he opened the door, the smell of fags reached his nostrils before he even went in. Gene sat in his chair, smoking, and having already emptied half a bottle of whisky which Sam had handed over to him reluctantly in the morning. He looked tired in spite of having been at Sam's flat all day long. Sam had tried to call him during the day but had never had the chance to do so since the other team members had been keen on keeping him company and helping him so now Gene looked at him expectantly. Sam gave him a quick run-down of the news concerning the investigation, which wasn't much.

 

Then Sam started to prepare dinner and Gene flicked on the telly. Sam hummed a little melody as he cut the vegetables, being somehow a little happy to be able to show off his cooking skills. He didn't have guests often. In his former life, he had cooked regularly when he and Maya had been living together. Maya of course cooked, too, but she also enjoyed him cooking for her. They had lived a relationship of equals, just as it should be. He wasn't a neanderthal like someone from 1973. He didn't have to prove he was a "real man" by abusing women. He could very well do housework and be a real man. No need to be a bully or idiot. No need to shove people around. Also no need to cheat. He was satisfied with what he got at home. He was happy with Maya. She was everything he needed. He felt complete and happy. He felt in control of his life. He loved his job and his girlfriend and partner. And this gave him all the satisfaction he needed.

 

And still, as he stood in his kitchenette and prepared food for an abusive neanderthal of a man who would talk when chewing it, burp after having finished and wash down the wonderful taste of it with more whisky than was necessary to do the task, he felt a kind of satisfaction he had never felt before. Not that he realized it at that moment but then, later, in retrospect, he would remember that exact moment and see it clearly. And wonder how he didn't notice at the time.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam found himself sitting in the passenger seat of the Cortina, with Gene speeding through the streets of Manchester. He noticed how much he enjoyed riding with him in spite of his complaining about Gene's driving. It was a fantasy come true - the Sweeney, the Persuaders, Starsky & Hutch, all those shows he had enjoyed watching in his real life. Fast cars and hard men. Doing the right thing, fighting hard and even dirty if necessary. Sam had never thought this to be the right way to do it, had more than once accused his colleagues at work of not realizing this wasn't a TV show, this was real life, and in real life things didn't work like that. But now he lived this life - if it was life he was living. If he was still alive. If he was still lying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines keeping him alive. Suddenly, he woke...lying on his makeshift bed on the floor in his flat, Gene sound asleep in his bed. And wondered whether he could ever return to his world. To this life which seemed to be so far away. Wondered whether he would still be able to "function" the way he was supposed to. The way he wanted to. In the RIGHT way.

 

The next day brought the break-through. Finally. After having arrested Davie Mackay for the murders of Terry Haslam and Pete Wilkes, the department celebrated their guv's innocence by drinking the equivalent of the North Sea in whisky, as had been announced by their leader. Chris danced until he had to vomit into one of the wastepaper baskets, Ray drank himself into a stupor, and Annie left early. Sam had talked to her but was interrupted by a leaving Frank Morgan. The man who had tried to bring down Gene Hunt. The man who strangely reminded Sam of home. Of doing the right thing, of what the others called the "Hyde" way. The man who had, when leaving, addressed Sam directly and told him that he could and would take him home soon...

 

Sam had been confused but didn't know how to react to this statement. He had just stood there, watching the lift doors close.


	4. Chapter 4

After that, he had returned to the office where Gene was still sitting, waiting for him. Or so it seemed. Chris had already left and Ray was just putting on his jacket. When he turned to ask his guv whether he would join him at the Arms, the answer was no, though. Gene murmured something along the lines of having to show his face at home, now that he was a free man again, and Ray just nodded and left. He didn't extend his invitation to join him to Sam who was happy since he had no inclination to sit with his sergeant just to pass the time. He felt a little intoxicated already but since they had been celebrating the guv's freedom this seemed OK to him.

 

Gene went into his office to fetch his coat and then, putting it on, turned to Sam. "Care to join me for dinner again, Tyler?" Sam startled since that had not been what he had been expecting. "What about your wife?" he asked. "She's still staying with her sister. The trouble was too much for her. Called her earlier and told her I'm not a fugitive anymore but she didn't want to take the night train alone so she won't be home until tomorrow." Gene looked down, avoiding his eyes, when he said this.

 

Sam's brain started to rattle again. The thought of spending the evening with his DCI filled him with happiness. Maybe they could go out, grab a curry somewhere, then share a nightcap at his flat... "OK," he said. And a smile crept across his face. "Then get your arse in gear," Gene answered and produced his car keys from his coat pocket.

 

They drove to a little Indian restaurant Sam had discovered some weeks ago and enjoyed their meal, talking about the case and how they had managed to solve it and thus prove Gene's innocence. They also talked about how Frank Morgan had tried to turn the team against their DCI and Sam almost admitted to Gene that his faith in him had wavered a little but then decided against it. Gene had come to him for help and had trusted him, and he had trusted Gene. That's how he decided to remember this episode in their lives.

 

After finishing their dinner, Gene drove Sam to his flat, and Sam invited him up for a nightcap. On the way he had been a little nervous whether Gene would accept his invitation. Of course, he could always lure his DCI with a drink. But he wasn't sure whether Gene would tonight accept the invitation. But he did, and they ended up drinking a whole bottle. At times, when Sam wasn't looking directly at him, he felt like Gene was watching him. From the corner of his eyes he saw Gene's look linger on him a little longer than necessary. Linger on his arse as he bent down to fetch another bottle of whisky from the cupboard. Linger on his back and shoulders when he went to the bathroom. But he waived away those thoughts - not possible. He was pissed, really pissed by now. He was imagining things. There was nothing to prove that Gene would ever do such a thing. Look him over, watch him, watch the sway of his hips when he walked, the his back, his arse... Sam shook his head. He really was pissed. Totally hammered. Or was he just insane?

 

"Thanks, Sam," Gene muttered over his tumbler. And looked Sam deep in the eyes. Sam saw the warmth in those green eyes which he had often seen to be so hard, so sharp, so full of fight. "You're welcome, Gene," he answered and clicked his tumbler against Gene's. And meant it, with all his heart. He was thankful he had been the one to be able to help Gene, to help him prove his innocence. And also, he was thankful that Gene had turned out to be innocent. He couldn't have accepted any other outcome.

 

As matters where, Gene was even more pissed than Sam. Thus, he decided to again claim Sam's bed and return home the next day. Since Sam's makeshift bed was still sitting on the floor, and since he really didn't feel in a state fit enough to drive Gene home, Sam agreed to once more accommodate Gene in his flat.

 

The both started to undress, shed shirts, trousers and shoes and fell onto their respective beds.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam was lying on the floor. He felt like something pressed down on him, something heavy. As breathing became harder, he wondered what it was that sat on his lungs and pressed them together. He tried to fight the thing sitting on him, pressing him down but didn't manage. It was too big, too strong. And it didn't just press down on his lungs... Sam felt his hard-on pulsing in his pants, felt it straining against the creature, and felt the creature's body warmth against his erection. The pressure felt good, actually. The creature started to move against him, rubbing against his penis which in turn grew harder and harder...

 

Sam struggled awake and still felt the breath of this big creature on his face. It smelled like whisky and fags. "Gene?," Sam inquired. The creature didn't reply, just kept pressing down on him. Sam tried to wiggle out from under it but was firmly held in place by two strong arms. "Gene, what's wrong?," Sam tried again. But Gene only stared down at him. And then, slowly, lowered his head until his lips almost touched Sam's, his hair falling into his face. "You believed in me, Tyler," he said. "When no-one else stood by me, you believed in me." And with that, he kissed Sam, pressing his lips to Sam's firmly. Then he opened his mouth and slid his tongue into Sam's mouth.

 

"Oh God!" Sam thought. "I am insane! I'm dreaming about my DCI kissing me!" But it felt good. It really felt good! "I haven't had a wet dream since coming here...very strange...," Sam's train of thoughts, as always, didn't stop. But when the pressure on his lips increased, when the kissing became more frantic, when hips started to roll against his and his own hard-on met another one through only two thin layers of fabric, Sam finally realized he wasn't dreaming. This was real! This was really Gene Hunt kissing him! Well, as real as anything in this world would ever get!

 

"G...Gene!" he stammered as the other man finally stopped his attack on his face. He didn't know what else to say. His thoughts somehow seemed to be reduced to just Gene's name. In a way, this was all his dreams come true. This was what he had hoped for when inviting Gene up to his flat, he realized. He had been hoping for something which had seemed to be so impossible, not even acknowledging to himself that he wanted this, and now his wish was coming true. He had silently hoped for this without even realizing it might really happen. He had played with the fire and now it was starting to burn into him, it was wide ablaze. He was on fire! He felt the hot feeling creep up his spine as Gene kissed him again. His skin and muscles around the small of his back started to tingle familiarly. He hadn't felt this way since...ages ago. He felt how his breath was fast and going hard, his heart had started to hammer in his chest, he felt a warmth spread through him that he had even forgotten to miss...

 

Gene's hands held his face firmly in place, his thumbs stroking his ears, his sideburns and cheeks. It felt so good, so right...

 

"Let me thank you properly...," Gene managed to say in between kisses. "What do you mean?" Sam opened his eyes and saw that Gene looked down on him with a kind of frightened look on his face. Then, he delved in again and kissed him, hard. Then Sam felt his arms on his, lifting his upper body up so Sam was sitting up. Gene was sitting on his heels and looked him in the eyes, his look boring into him. "You know..." he said, his face flushed, his breath growing ragged, and then he flipped Sam round, straddling him, sitting on his legs, and started to massage his back. "I almost fell over you on my way to the bathroom. Then decided that I could put this..." Sam assumed he was pointing to his crotch as one hand was removed from his back "...to much better use here than in there... Why waste a perfect and ready-to-use morning stiffy?" Gene chuckled.

 

Sam lay there on his bed of rugs and ... and just couldn't believe it. His guv, his homophobic guv, had just kissed him and now was giving him a very sensual massage! Gene leaned down and whispered in his ear, his breath all hot: "I'm gonna show you just how grateful I am, Sammy-boy." Gene still slurred the words a little but seemed no less determined to make his words come true.

 

"Oh my God! I must be out of my mind!" Sam just couldn't stop thinking. But it felt wonderful. Was it really something "crazy" that was happening? Wasn't it just good? Great? Wonderful? But...but... This wasn't supposed to happen! This was wrong! No way could this really be happening. It mustn't...

 

"Oh God, this is good!" Sam groaned as Gene's hands went deeper. Lying on his hard-on with Gene's weight pressing down on him just magnified the stirring of lust and craving in his loins. Gene then shifted a little, sitting down on his lower legs and pressing down on him with his full upper body. He nibbled on Sam's neck and whispered: "You're gonna see the Gene Genie in action, Tyler!" He rolled his hips and pressed his enormous hard-on into the crack of Sam's arse. Sam could feel his craving almost taking him over. He wanted to feel Gene's full weight on him, he wanted to be so close to this man, wanted him to be as close to him as possible. To feel him on him, inside him...


	6. Chapter 6

"Shit!" He had never had sex with a man before. He, of course, knew the technical side of it, he knew the basics, he knew that for the bottom the joy would be triggered by the top's penis hitting his prostate, he knew that the friction produced by his hard-on rubbing against the sheets when jerking his hips would intensify the feelings...was already intensifying them...But he had never had sex with a man before. And he wasn't sure he was prepared for it. Not that he did mind being considered a bisexual if he did it with a man - in his world that was nothing to be ashamed of. But he wasn't sure he was that kind of man. He even wasn't sure he was that kind of man who enjoyed casual sex, in-the-spur-of-the-moment sex, spontaneous sex with a stranger. Not that Gene was a stranger, no. But they weren't in a loving relationship either.

 

He never had been a man for one-night stands. He wasn't promiscuous, he wasn't easy. His mother had raised him not in a strict or repressed way but had always told him to respect the women he dealt with. Having grown up without a father but with lots of women coming to visit, Sam had always felt comfortable around females. He knew that they could be very restrictive with their feelings and he knew why. He didn't feel the need to go around and "collect" girlfriends. He was a one-woman man, dedicated to the one he was with. When he was a teenager, he of course had dreamt of having wild sex with lots of women, having the odd wet dream and masturbating until his hand hurt. But as he had also been shy and lacked confidence in himself when he grew up, he never really acted on his impulses to pull girls. He was keen on losing his virginity but didn't manage until he was 18. He went with his then girlfriend for several years before finally realizing he wasn't happy. The sex never really was that wild as he had imagined. He had performed well, or so she had said, but he never had felt that wave of absolute bliss he had imagined, that high that lasted longer than a few seconds when he spilled his load into the condom he, of course, had used.

 

Later, when he had met Maya, he had respected her for what she was, a successful woman who worked hard. He had respected her so much that he never even thought of having wild, hard sex with her. Doing the things to her that you would read about in magazines or see in those films he despised. When others talked about their sex lives, boasting about their powers and their successes, he never joined in but excused himself with the thought that he was better than that. That he didn't need this dirt. That he was the better man for respecting his girlfriend and not drawing her and their relationship into the gutter.

 

When he masturbated, he went at it clinically. He knew what he liked, how he liked to be touched, the speed of his hand, the pressure - all was very familiar and did the trick. He just did this to relieve of the pressure. It didn't have anything to do with Maya or sex. Thus, he never imagined her when doing it. Or any other woman. Or man, as it was.

 

His train of thought was suddenly interrupted by Gene's gruff voice. "Oy, Tyler! Are you even paying attention to my ministrations?! Or are you dreaming about Cartwright's knickers again?" Sam stirred and noticed that Gene had gotten rid of his vest and was towering above him. His hands had moved down to his buttocks and were massaging him ferociously. He would be bruised in the morning, he was sure. Well, there was no question about that. When Gene manhandled him, he always left bruises. But the question was, what would he leave this time? What would he do and how would it affect Sam physically?

 

And how would it affect him psychologically? How would it affect their relationship? What would happen in the morning?? Would they be able to get back to their friendship and being colleagues? Would they even talk about it, would they acknowledge what had happened?

 

"Oy!", Gene shouted again, now sounding a little angry. He had stopped touching Sam and just sat there, looking at him. He moved to the side, allowing Sam to turn and look at him properly. "What's wrong, Tyler?" he panted. He was sweating slightly and Sam noticed his flushed skin and erect nipples. He shivered slightly at the sight, wanting nothing more than to touch that hairless pink chest, to lick and nib at those nipples, to lick the sweat from Gene's breast and neck.

 

"It's not right..." he murmured. Gene looked surprised. "What?" - "What about your wife?" Sam said. Gene looked down, a hurt look on his face. "What about her?" he asked back. "Well, err... Does she know about your inclinations? What would she say if she knew? Have you ever cheated on her before with a man?" The questions just fell out of Sam's mouth. Gene stared back at him. "What d'ya mean, cheated on her before? I've never cheated on me wife in me life!" Gene shouted angrily.

 

"Sorry...," Sam didn't know what else to say.

 

"So do you want this or not?" Gene said warily. All the force and lust had disappeared from his eyes. He looked a little sad even.

 

"I don't know." - "You don't know? You don't know if you want a piece of the Gene Genie?" Gene had started to raise from the bed on the floor. Sam stretched out his arm, holding Gene by his hand. "Please, don't leave", he said. "Make up your bloody mind, Tyler," Gene answered harshly. "You know I really do have feelings for you, Gene..." - "Feelings? Bloody poofter!" Gene shouted at him. "Gene..." Sam was almost feeling tears well up in his eyes. He just hoped Gene wouldn't notice. "I was gonna fuck you, Tyler, rough and hard, ream you up the arse, not kiss you better!" ... Gene had definitely kissed him better, Sam thought. He had felt so good that... Sam felt his todger stir again. He hadn't even noticed that his erection had faded as soon as Gene had started scolding at him. As soon as he had felt his heart sink and all his hopes go down the drain.

 

But he couldn't just have let Gene fuck him. He couldn't deal with the reality of that. He wasn't a man who lost control and just went with his lust. He wouldn't join in something like that, he would never use someone else's weakness for his own lust, for stress relief, he told himself. And he would never be able to face Gene again in the morning if he did simply give in to his urges now. It would be a mistake, he knew it. It had nothing to do with what sex should be about. It was just the alcohol, the relief about Gene's being free and unaccused. About Gene not being a murderer. It was because he felt guilty for questioning him. But most of it, it wasn't right. It couldn't be. As much as he wanted it.

 

"Gene, I'm sorry..." Sam could only repeat. Gene stared at him from above, removing his arm from his grip. He then picked up his vest which he had shed to the floor and started to get dressed. "Gene, wait!" ...but he didn't. He turned, opened the door and left, without looking back at Sam.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam let himself flop back onto the makeshift bed. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Then, his eyes filled with the tears he had been holding back before, and he sobbed slightly. He turned his face into the cushions and pressed his nose against them. He didn't want to think anymore. He just wanted to stop breathing and never, never think again about what had just happened. What he had done. What big mistake he had made.

 

He had kicked Gene out of his bed. Out of his life. He had hurt him and rejected him at a time when he was vulnerable and Gene would never forget this. He had just ruined the only chance at happiness he had in this world. It was over. It all was over. He had destroyed everything. He, in his own stupidity, had made the biggest mistake in his life. Just because he couldn't stop thinking. Just because he thought he had to be in control, had to do the right thing, had to be a good guy, had decided not to use a moment of vulnerability for his own pleasure. Had decided not to use Gene.

 

Gene... Gene who had wanted him. Gene who had trusted him. Gene, who's trust he had not betrayed by using him.

 

Gene... Gene who was not real. Who could not be real. He was only a figment of his imagination, he told himself. You couldn't hurt a figment, couldn't you?

 

He lay there on his "bed" on the floor and waited for the blond little girl to come out of the telly and tell him just how fucked up he was...

 

He lay awake all night, his heart thundering in his chest.


	8. Chapter 8

When Morgan told him that his prior life was what he had imagined, told him that Gene was real, Sam shuddered at the thought. Going back to work after what he had done hadn't been easy but as Gene had never acknowledged any of what had happened that night, Sam had almost managed to ban those thoughts from his mind. But somehow, their relationship had been damaged. No wonder...

 

Sam had concentrated on his quest for the truth, had started fighting to get home again. And with Morgan still hanging around, he had hope again. Morgan had prospected his return home but then had announced that with "home" he had actually meant Hyde. Had suggested that he, Sam, had been on an undercover operation to bring down Gene Hunt.

 

Sam didn't believe it, couldn't believe it. He still didn't know what was reality and what wasn't but he was sure that he could find it out. That he could find a way home, wherever that was. And with Gene avoiding him and their friendship being damaged in the most terrible way, Sam thought the best way to solve the situation was to leave. As soon as possible.

 

And then everything happened so fast... The shoot-out on the train, the tunnel, Annie crying for help, Gene on the ground shouting for him... Morgan telling him to come with him, to come home... And then he woke. Woke up. Woke up to reality. Woke up from his coma. Woke up in a hospital bed in 2006.

 

So it all had been a dream. A coma-induced dream. None of it was real. They weren't real. Gene wasn't real. Gene...

 

He shook his head and concentrated on himself. He had to get well again. He had to get his strength back, had to get on his feet again. Had to get back to work again. To police work. In 2006. With modern methods. Not those of 1973.


	9. Chapter 9

When he returned home, he lay awake in bed at night, waiting for the telly to flicker and the Test Card Girl to appear. It didn't happen, of course. Lying there, waiting for sleep to claim him, his thoughts wandered back to that night. That night after they had proved Gene's innocence and then Gene had tried to have sex with him. Sam shook his head. Had that really happened? Of course it hadn't, it had not been real. But in his mind... What was wrong with him? Why had he dreamt something like that? Why had his mind created a character like Gene Hunt? And why, why had he dreamt wanting to have sex with him? He never had had homosexual urges before, he was sure. But even in his dream, even in his own imagination, he hadn't been able to go through with it. To simply allow it to happen. To follow his imagination and stop thinking for once...

 

Sam drifted into sleep... He dreamt about 1973, about the team, about Annie, Chris, Ray, Phyllis... He dreamt about Gene. Gene shouting at him, Gene grapping him by the lapels of his leather jacket, flinging him against the filing cabinet. Gene driving like a madman. Gene smiling at him after successfully solving a case. Gene taking a swig from one of his flasks. Gene patting him on the shoulder. Gene kissing him... Gene looking at him with this hurt expression...

 

When he woke, he felt his hard-on press against the mattress. "Morning stiffy," he thought, and went into the bathroom to relieve the pressure from his bladder.

 

When he was finally fit enough to go back to work, he went up to the police building in disbelief. The building hadn't changed much on the outside, just the cars standing in the car park were, of course, modern. But when he entered the building, he immediately noticed the smell. Or the lack of smell. It didn't smell like cigarette smoke, and there was no faint smell of whisky hanging in the air. The air was clean and smelled of disinfectant, of cleaning products, of paper, of warm air coming from printers and copiers.

 

He had been assigned to light desk duty for the time being, which meant that he had to take part in even more meetings. Meetings which bore him to death.

 

When he visited his mum she told him about Maya. Why she had stopped visiting him in hospital, how they had talked for a long time and how he must understand what she had been going through, that she had needed to move on. Sam of course understood it. He knew he had to let her go, had to accept it. In fact, he had been a little relieved that she wasn't at his flat anymore. He hadn't been sure how to deal with her. He didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to break up with her but also was sure that they couldn't stay together. That he was not the man he used to be. That he couldn't be with her and pretend any longer. He had not deliberately lied to her, hadn't wanted to be that impassionate about her as he had been... But he had needed to stay in control in the relationship, had always needed to stay in control. That's why he preferred small, light-built women. Women who were smaller than him, women who didn't match his strength physically. He never could imagine being the smaller, weaker part in a relationship.

 

When he lay in his bed at night, he thought about Maya... and then he thought about Gene. How big he was, how strong he was. How he had tossed him into the boot of the Cortina with ease. How he had manhandled him, abused him, bruised him. How he had been the smaller, weaker part in their relationship. Relationship??

 

He couldn't sleep that night, laying awake and thinking, thinking... his brain rattling and rattling, never stopping. He realized how much he missed Gene. Not only missed 1973 and how it was easier to live in a black-and-white world where you knew who was "good" or was "bad", where you could solve your problems with your fists, where you could solve them by doing something, not just thinking about them... He laughed at that thought. Thinking about not thinking...

 

That morning he just couldn't bear getting up. He knew he had to, it was the right thing. He had to get to work. He had a duty to fulfil. He had to do his job. He had to... but he just didn't feel up to it. He called in sick.


	10. Chapter 10

He lay awake in bed, thinking about Gene. Thinking about the feelings he had for Gene. And as he lay there and thought about him he felt a familiar feeling creep into his lower back... He thought about that night when Gene had towered above him, had pressed down on him, had kissed him. The way his green eyes had bored into him. The way he had turned him over, had been lying on top of him, had been rutting against his back with his erection pressing into the crack of his arse... He had started to stroke his penis, lazily. He revelled in the feeling, revelled in the pictures his mind conjured up, the events he remembered. Remembered from his coma dream. Which it had definitely been.

 

The tingling around his hipbones increased, the pressure in his penis grew as he increased the speed of his hand, stroking his erection. He arched his hips and drove his todger into his own, hard grip. He imagined it to be Gene's hand, holding him tightly. He remembered kissing him, delving his tongue deep into his mouth, exploring every crease and crevice. Remembered how Gene tasted like whisky and cigarettes, and how strong his arms had held him in place. He imagined being held by those strong arms, leaning against that broad chest, lying on that soft belly. He imagined Gene above him, below him, and wanted nothing more than go back to that night and have another chance. Have the chance to make the right decision. To stop questioning himself, to make it right. To simply let go and go with the flow, to enjoy all those sensations, to feel Gene on and in him. He came with a littlie cry and spilled all over his hand. When his breathing had gone back to almost normal, when his heart rate had slowed down a little, he was still holding his penis. His still hard penis. He began stroking it again, rubbing the come all over it to slick it further. He felt the pressure raise again, rubbing more frantically now. It took a little longer this time but he soon felt the feeling build up again. He thought about how Gene would have taken him, would have entered him with force, would have pinned him down on his makeshift bed and would have cried out his name when he came. His grip tightened around his penis and he shuddered and came again. But still he didn't feel the high he had expected. He still wasn't satisfied. He felt like he had swallowed a whole package of those little blue pills, his craving and lust still as strong as before.

 

He kept rubbing his penis even as it started to hurt. Especially since it had started to hurt. He kept rubbing and rubbing again and again even as he couldn't get it to harden anymore. Rubbed frantically until his wrist hurt. Wanted to feel it again, wanted to come again. Come for Gene.

 

Exhausted, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

When he woke up, he went to the bathroom to clean himself up. When he was standing in the shower, the water pouring down on him, he felt sad and empty.

 

Later, he tried again. He reached into his bedstand and took out the dildo she had kept in there. Maya's dildo... Apparently, she hadn't wanted to keep this as a reminder of their relationship... He slicked it up and tried to think back to that night again. Remembered Gene's erection pressing against his arse. Slowly, carefully inserted the dildo into his anus until it pressed up against his prostate. Rubbed his penis and rubbed and stroked until he felt his orgasm build up. He revelled in thoughts about Gene. About that night. About making it right, about going back and making the right decision. About Gene grabbing him and turning him around, pressing down on him, entering him, fucking him hard and fast. He came with "Gene!" on his lips.

 

In the afterglow of his orgasm, he thought about how these thoughts were so different from anything he would have imagined in his former life. In his former life before the accident, before the coma. He would never have imagined having sex with a man. He would never have imagined being manhandled, being fucked. He always had to be in control, always had to be the one being the penetrator. Always to be the stronger one.

 

He thought about Gene. About how he had felt when Gene had held him. About how he had felt protected by him. How he had felt safe with him. How he wished he had realized it back then when he had the chance. That he was safe with Gene. That Gene wouldn't hurt him. But he had hurt Gene, had hurt his feelings. Had hurt him in a way he never could make up for...

 

He started wanking again, pressing the dildo back up his anus, stroking his penis until it was hard, so hard. So hard for Gene. His wrist began to hurt again but he continued nevertheless. Gene... After a few minutes he came again, feeling depleted and empty, his penis going limp. He lay back on his bed, turning to his side, curling up into a foetal position as he started sobbing. He missed Gene... He wanted Gene... He had lost Gene...forever.

 

His sobs grew stronger as he realized that he felt lost and alone and empty, and that all the wanking wouldn't help, that all dildos in the world could not fill the big hole he had in his heart.


	11. Chapter 11

The next day he went to visit his mother. He tried to talk to her but couldn't. How could he tell her what was on his mind? Would she ever understand? Would she understand what promise he had made, what he needed to return to? Who he needed to return to? Gene had let him go due to that promise, although he had been told that Sam was betraying him. He had trusted him with his life, again.

 

He went back to work. He had to attend another meeting. As the others contemplated the question whether it was in accordance with present law if you held a violent suspect for 48 hours or something like that, he didn't listen. He didn't care. Sam thought about Gene. Thought about 1973. Thought about second chances. He would take his second chance if he ever got it. Even if he knew that Gene would never commit to a relationship. Would never admit being gay (or bisexual). Would never leave his wife. Would never acknowledge his feelings for him. If he had any. If it hadn't only been lust and the alcohol and the high of having won the case, on having proved his innocence. The loneliness since his wife had not been waiting for him at home like he had expected her to.

 

He sat in that meeting without even realizing where and when he was. Finally, he was stirred to attention when one of his colleagues called out his name, for the second time as it seemed. "Sam, look at your hand!" Sam looked down at his hand which had been playing with some metal piece lying on the table. He saw the blood spread from the cut in his thumb. He didn't feel anything...

 

He excused himself from the meeting. He needed to think. He needed to get some fresh air. He needed to breathe deep and feel. He needed to feel again... to feel alive, to feel Gene. To feel Gene's touch on him. To feel Gene's weight on him. He wanted to relish in the feeling of security which Gene caused in him. He wanted to feel his thoughts drifting away, he wanted to give up his thoughts, he wanted to be held by Gene and give himself up to him, he wanted to succumb to his intoxicating smell and to give himself to him, to his lust, to his love... Love? Did Gene love him? Would he ever love him like he loved him. Loved him???? Yes, he loved Gene. He was sure now. He LOVED Gene... and he wanted Gene to love him back. Wanted Gene to make love to him. Oh God, he really was a girl!, his mind told him. But he didn't care. If this was girly then he wanted to be the "girl" in their relationship. Didn't mind being the weaker part. He knew he was strong, he could hold his own against Gene, had proved it time and again. But he didn't want to fight Gene, didn't mind giving in to him, wanted to simply let go and rest in Gene's strong arms, completely at his mercy which he surely would need after what he had done.

 

He had taken the lift to the upper floor and then climbed the stairs to the roof. When he got up there, he took a deep breath. His lungs filled with fresh air. A smile started to spread across his face. He now knew what to do. He simply would go back to 1973. He needed to take the definitive step. There were two possibilities: Either this was reality and he really had been in a coma. Then he would have to get back into a state which was similar to a coma. Something close to death, something after life. Or he had never really woken up. All this was a dream, all this was not real. Then he would simply need a way to get back to where he had been before, to wake up. A shock-like experience.

 

Well, jumping from the roof of the police building would do. It would do nicely. And so he just looked up at the sky, looked around Manchester, the city he loved and knew but meanwhile preferred in its former, chaotic state of 1973. And then he started to walk, to run. He ran toward the end of the roof. He laughed in anticipation. He felt light-hearted and happy and like he was walking on air. But then, as he came near the end of the roof, suddenly, he faltered in his step. He stopped. There, at the end of the roof, in his path, stood a well-known figure. It didn't look as tall as he remembered, didn't look as solid, but it definitely was him. And he walked toward him. When they met, up on the roof, Sam saw that Gene had aged about 30 years. But it still was Gene. His Gene...The man of his dreams...


	12. Chapter 12

Gene looked at him, unsure. He fidgeted a little, nervously, didn't seem to know what to say or do. Then he simply opened his arms and Sam sank into them, throwing his own around the man's waist. Then, he stumbled back, took Gene's face into his hands and kissed him. Kissed him long and soft and with all the feeling which had built up inside him. And Gene didn't protest or shove him off but kissed him back! When they finally parted, Sam had tears in his eyes. Gene patted his head and pressed him against his him, Sam almost collapsing against his chest in relief and happiness. He sobbed loudly and felt Gene's arm close around him. Strong as ever. Gene was real!

 

"Gene... I thought I had lost you... I wanted to go back to you, to save you and the others. I wanted to tell you I was wrong, I was sorry. Gene..." - "Shht, you soppy girl's blouse... I know. I know everything." - "How?" - "You came back." - "What??"

 

Gene looked down on him, his features soft but determined. "You came back to save us in the tunnel. You already did. No need to do it again, Sam." Sam blinked through his tears but didn't understand. He only felt the relief spread across his tense body. No need to jump. And Gene was real, here, in his life.

 

Gene guided Sam to one of the little concrete walls on the roof and they sat down. "Don't you remember? Of course you don't 'cause it hasn't happened to you yet. It will never happen to you. But you need to know you came back. You saved us and then you stayed with us. Wasn't too happy about it at first because I thought you really had betrayed us, and you had insulted the Gene Genie, you had rejected me. But then, over time, I realized that it had been my mistake also. That you just would have needed more time, with being the girl that you are, Gladys. But it seemed you had made up your mind when you came back, that you were sure now. Sure about us. And so, well, after a little time of fighting and roughing each other up and shouting and working to clear the streets of Manchester from scum, we had another go at it. Which ended much better than the first try..." Gene leered at him, clearly revelling in the thought.

 

Sam couldn't believe his ears. "What about your wife?" he asked finally. Gene's face crumbled a little. He looked down, collecting his thoughts. "She was at her sister's, remember? And when I called her and told her that I had been cleared of the murder charge, she didn't say anything at first. Then she announced that she nevertheless wasn't coming home any time soon. Well, she never came home ever again." Sam stared at Gene. "I'm sorry..." - "It wasn't her fault. She just couldn't deal with the situation of her husband being a wanted murderer..." Gene looked down again. He had not said "being a wanted murder suspect"... So his own wife of many years had really believed...??? "Got a divorce years ago..." Gene concluded.

 

"So, what now?", Sam asked. "Well, the Gene Genie has lost some of his old shine but I still hope you'll take me. Again." Gene replied. Sam didn't know what to say. All his dreams about returning to 1973 were dissolving. He could stay in 2006 and still have his Gene. Have him properly, in reality. Even have him openly. Being gay or bisexual wasn't that bad in 2006. It still would be problematic, of course, but at least they wouldn't have to hide. And Gene wanted him. Still wanted him. Wanted him again.

 

"Again?" he asked. "Yes, again." Oh, he would take Gene again and again, always, with his heart and also with his body. Although for him, that would be the first time, strictly speaking.

 

He looked up at Gene and tears started to well up in his eyes again. He threw himself into Gene's arms again and sobbed at his chest until finally there were no tears left.

 

"So how did you know when to come here? How did you know what I was about to do?" - "You told me, one night, after shagging..." Sam stared at Gene in disbelief. Would he ever actually have told Gene? And would Gene ever have believed him? That he was from the future? And would he really ever have told him what he did to get back? Apparently he had... "You said you didn't want there to be any secrets anymore. And you said you trusted me. Trusted me more than you had ever trusted anyone. That you felt safe with me. And then you told me."

 

Yes, that definitely sounded right. He didn't want to keep anything secret from Gene. He felt safe around him. He wanted him to know who he really was. And now he could be himself and have Gene. It was much more than what he had hoped for.

 

Finally, Sam got up and Gene followed, They left the roof and headed down to the exit together. Sam said good-night to the desk sergeant and then followed Gene outside. "Do you have a car here?", Gene asked. Sam pointed to his jeep. It turned out Gene still lived in his house so Sam took him there. When Gene invited him in, Sam grew nervous again. What would happen next? He felt exhausted and silly and excited and afraid and just couldn't stop thinking again.

 

"No!" he told himself. He wouldn't let his thinking get in the way again. They would take this slow, they would take all the time they needed. Because they had all the time in the world.

 

They sat in silence on the couch, with drinks in hands. "So where am I now?" Sam asked. "What?" - "Where am I now, the me that returned to 1973?" Gene swallowed. Then he looked at Sam directly. "Well, with you not jumping now, not returning to us, you just disappeared..." - "What?" - "It's easy. We just changed history, I assume. You never jumped, you never returned to 1973. So you don't exist there anymore. But you're here, now. With me. And that's what counts." Sam didn't really understand, and he was sure that Gene didn't tell him all he knew. All that had happened. But for the moment, this explanation was good enough for him. For the moment, he was content with sitting here. And Gene being real. More than content.

 

"Let's go to bed, I'm knackered." he said finally. Gene looked at him, then smiled. "Want a piece of the Gene Genie now?" he asked. Sam looked down at his feet... "Please don't hate me, and please don't get me wrong. But could we just go to bed. To sleep?" Sam hadn't planned on living through this day. Staying alive had been exhausting.

 

Gene smiled back at him. "Of course, Sammy," and planted a kiss on his forehead. Being with him and living to see the naughties had definitely changed Gene...

 

They went up to Gene's bedroom and stripped off their clothes, then crawled in bed together, just wearing their vests and underpants. Sam wiggled into Gene's arms and lay his head down on his chest. "Could you please just hold me?" Gene complied with this request generously, drawing Sam even closer. "Sleep tight, Sammy," he said.

 

And Sammy did. He fell asleep easily, feeling protected and safe. Not needing to be in control. Slept safe and sound...


	13. Chapter 13

When he entered the Railway Arms, he saw Chris and Phyllis sitting at the bar. He talked to Chris, he even talked to Ray. Then he looked around, searching... someone was missing. "Go and find him, then." Phyllis said to him. "Who?" - "I'm not just a sex goddess, you kow, boss. I have a pair of eyes in me head. Go!" She pointed in the direction of the door with her head. He left and when he turned around the next corner, he almost bumped into Annie. And Annie told him to stay, to stay with them, to stay with him... Told him exactly what he wanted to hear. Because he would. Because this time he would do it right. When they stood there, he heard the sound he had been waiting for. The sound he wanted to hear. Of an engine revving and tyres screeching. Gene pulled up in the Cortina beside them, shouting "Tyler, leave that soppy plonk and get in!" And he did. And then he leaned over to Gene and kissed him. "You shouldn't be driving with this leg." - "Well, I am." - "You were shot." - "So will you be if you don't shut up!" Sam smiled and held on to the handle above his door. It seemed that Gene was in a great hurry... where to, he could imagine vividly.


End file.
